Ketchup? Maybe Catsup.

(written originally April 13, 2007)

Today started bad. I woke up and checked the news and lo and behold my literary hero and fellow Cornellian Kurt Vonnegut Jr. had died. I am not a scholar of literature, but I do consider myself a Vonnegut scholar. I have read all of his books and have read every interview and article of his I can find. He still wrote for the Cornell Daily Sun from time to time. I kept them for my collection.

On with the story...

After having my morning ruined, I was in a rush to get to work to do some experiments I was supposed to have completed months ago. I get to work and then found out Howard K. Stern wasn't Danny Lin's father! This is so out of control that someoone (myself) that almost never watches T.V. or listens to popular radio can't help but know about this. Are celebrities really that interesting? Well, after just getting really pissed about that, it turns out that a Swedish judge has ruled that some parents cannot name their child Metallica! I am just dumbfounded by the fact that a parent would name their child after a band that has gotten so horrible over time. You can't specify which album in a name...

Finally, at lunch time I almost lost it. I went to the critically acclaimed "Trillium" on campus. It is like a typical college lunch room with sub-par food and creepy lunch ladies. There must be a rule that you have to have fewer than 10 teeth to be a lunch lady. Well, I got some fries...not something I do often...and I needed some ketchup. There are these big dispensers with a pump on the top and little containers you can fill for yourself. I pumped the container and the freakin' nozzle exploded off of the thing and I was literally covered in ketchup. Ketchup burns when it gets in your eye! A huge glop hit my left eye and I opened my right eye and grabbed some napkins and wiped off my face and then dealt with my clothes. It was all over my shirt and pants and hat. There were people all around waiting for the ketchup and wondering what I was doing covered in their delicious fancy tomato condiment.

The worst part is that one of the lunch ladies picked the nozzle up off of the floor and without washing it, stuck it right back into the pump! That is just nasty! I will not eat fancy tomato catsup from that thing ever again! I will also write the ketchup company and demand that they finally release the difference between catsup and ketchup. It is ridiculous that we have gone this long without the truth!