Leftist

This occurred on an extremely bad day. I was in rare form.

I am left handed. Have been all my life. That automatically puts me at a disadvantage for some reason. I couldn't find a baseball mit when I was a kid at a regular store. I had to go to the sports shop and purchase a really expensive one. Scissors are all made for right-handed people. What pisses me off the most is that they make scissors ambidexterous, for right-handers, and for left-handers. Oh wait...no they don't! You can't get a left-handed pair of scissors anywhere. The list goes on and on. Constantly, when people see me writing I hear, "I didn't know you were left-handed!" As if it is some sort of novelty. Granted, I know that there are less left-handed people in the world...but should I then be referred to as Sinistre?

Let me clarify. In chemistry, left-handed molecules of an enantiomer are signified by an S for Sinistre. Sinister....why am I sinister because I am left-handed? My great-grandmother was left-handed when she was a child. Until some school marm and her ruler somehow made her switch hands. Even when I was a child my parents said there were books on how to change my handedness if they wanted to. This is all infuriating.

Ok. Here is how it went down. I was standing in line at Cornell's Trillium. It is an eatery on campus. I didn't have any cash and so needed to pay using my credit card. I handed the lunch lady my card and then moved to the right side of the pay area so that she could put the receipt to be signed in the left area and then I could sign it and be on my way. As the following scenario unfolded, I felt as if I was in a movie or play or something and so I will write it in that format. Please enjoy:

Lunch Lady (LL): (moves Donnie's tray to the left side of the pay area and puts the receipt down on the right side of the area). "Here you go hun."

Donnie (D): Why did you do that?

LL: I moved your tray so that you could sign the receipt.

D: Why couldn't I have signed it in the left area?

LL: Just trying to make your life easier hun.

(grumbles can be heard in the long line behind)

D: Well you didn't. In fact, I am going to move my tray back to the right side and sign it in the left side.

LL: Why? Just sign the thing! I have a long line.

Jerk 1: Just sign it! You are holding up the line!

D: No I will not sign it. I am doing this for left-handed people everywhere. I am being discriminated against for my handedness and this...this agression will not stand!

Jerk 2: Do I need to call someone about this? Hurry the f**k up!

D: I don't have to listen to you, I'm gonna stand here until she moves my tray and I can sign on the left side.

LL: (moves tray) I'm sorry hun, most people are right-handed so I generally try to leave the area open on the right side for people. Now will you please sign it?

Jerk 2: You are an a-hole.

D: Don't tell me what I am! I am a left-handed individual that has all the rights and privileges as all you righties. Sorry for being original for a change! Step off or you will face my left-handed fist!

Trillium Manager: Sir, you need to calm down.

D: I will not calm down. First amendment. I can say whatever I want as loud as I want!

(D quickly signs and gets all needed condiments and silverware for food and sits at a table).

D: (Loudly to the crowd) This food is really good. I love eating with my left-hand! Equality for all people!